No regrets?

One of my biggest addictions is online surveys.

I don't know why--perhaps it's just narcissism--but I love taking those online questionnaires that ask me "what's your favorite movie," "who's your crush" and "what's your favorite cheese" (I have encountered this final question on more surveys than I care to mention).

One of the more interesting questions to find on those surveys has to do with regret. The popular answer given by myself and others is to answer that we have no regrets because everything we've done, good or bad, has made us into the people we are today.

It seems like a solid answer, one that respects the sovereignty of God and does not dwell too much on the negative. There is a certain serenity in being able to look at the past and realize that our decisions and actions have not destroyed us but have been instrumental in making us the human beings we are at the moment.

I recently, in anticipation of the big birthday, spent some time thinking over the past 10 years or so of my life and the subject of regret began to cross my mind. I began to question whether I really believed that life could be lived with no regrets and, more importantly, whether a GOOD life could be lived without any regrets. And I've come to the conclusion that regret is a good, necessary thing for us to have, particularly for Christians as we go through the process of sanctification and become more like Christ.

The truth is that there are things in my life that I regret saying or doing. I regret paying $2,160 for a dating service several years back (Great Expectations? Not all I hoped for.) I regret sending an e-mail to my district manager at Family Christian that I intended to be a clarion call for strong theology and Godly business practices but was, more realistically, just a showing of my hubris and self-righteousness. I regret having a good friendship that I squandered by becoming judgmental and pious instead of loving and forgiving in the face of sin. I regret angry words to friends and family, idiotic purchases and times when I chased after my own selfish desires instead of submitting to the joy and will of God.

Have those things been instrumental in making me the person I am today? Certainly. But regret has been an instrumental tool in affecting that change.

Regret, in the right light, can be a gift from God. Regret is simply an emotion, a strong dissatisfaction with the things I have done. Regret is the reminder of the fallout and consequence of my sin. When I look back at the times I have wandered from the fold, regret is the shepherd's crook that pulls me back. It's a reminder that says, "remember how that felt? Let's not go down that path again." It is a practical and powerful tool that reminds us of our mistakes and puts us back on the right path.

Regret is a reminder that I am a fallen, sinful man in constant need of cleansing and forgiveness. Regret is the kick in the ribs that forces my eyes to the cross to reveal the need for a savior. Were we to live life without regrets we would likely not take time to remember the blood shed to atone for our mistakes and the life lived to give us the strength to continue on in obedience and improvement. Regret is a powerful and much-needed way of reminding us of our need for a savior and its stinging rebuke is washed away in the blood of Calvary.

I don't think that people who answer the surveys the previous way would disagree with me. I think we all, whether we admit it or not, have our regrets. Like I said, it's important that we have regrets if we ever want to improve and grow as human being. I suspect what people actually mean when they say they have no regrets is that they try not to live a regret-filled life. They regret decisions but don't dwell on them. They look at the mistakes, feel a twinge of shame and foolishness and then move forward with the resolve not to make the same mistake again. That's not a life without regrets--that's a life with healthy regret.

Of course, at the end of life, the Gospel teaches that only followers of Christ can live truly regret-free lives. As John Piper is fond of saying (and I have long-since forgotten who originally coined the phrase), "Just one life, will soon be passed; only what's done for Christ will last." How horrible it will be for those who have not trusted Christ to look back at the end of their lives and realize they've wasted it, that the one true source of life and joy was refused. And yet, for the follower of Christ, there will be the reminder that no matter our sins and failures, the cross was our uniting point, our goal and our life. The problems we encountered, the sins we committed...they are washed away in the blood of Christ as we realize that a life lived in light of the cross, by the power of Christ and for the glory of God is a life that we will never regret.

And in that, Christians can rejoice in healthy regret, knowing that it is the prodding of the Spirit to become more and more like Christ. We often give our mistakes too much credit--it is not the mistakes that have made us the people we are today, nor is it our initiative to move forward with an attitude not to make those mistakes. We never should thank our sins or our own feeble motives and we should always look back on them saying "I can't believe I did that; what a foolish mistake."

But after that twinge of regret should come an exhalation of praise. Yes, we have sinned. And yes, we are right to regret that sin. But that's not the end of our story. Because we have a sovereign and wonderful God who takes even our sins and faults and turns them into something glorious and beautiful so that even a life full of regrets should never be a regretful life.

-C